This morning I spent time in silence to see where my focus lies. My wandering mind tells me that I focus my energy on how to “fix” things — how to get to perfection. I was given the breath word HOLY for this day. It helps me to re-focus on all that is God, rather than on myself and my needs. This is a great help to prayer.
But I recognize this is also a great challenge to prayer. For within this awareness of the Holy, is the element of Holy Fear. Fear of this nature is fear of the unknown — fear of the mystery of God that is unknowable, that cannot be controlled or contained. I sense within me a fear of surrendering my power, my control. I sense a fear of unworthiness in the presence of the Holy One. Then I recall Luther’s explanation of the first commandment: to fear, love, and trust in God above all things. Part of me wants to move beyond this Holy Fear. Perhaps I always need to keep this awesome reverence, however:
-in order to recognize the Holy Presence that is so much greater than I am
-to fall on my knees
-to honor God above all things
Holy Fear — it is good to be aware of this aspect of our God.
Consumed by fire
I kneel in awe this day,
Bowing my heart in reverent Holy Fear.
Facing the wind — that Breath
who blows through me.
Power Almighty –
Power to set me free.
Falling in silence, I cannot speak a word
in silence – the Spirit touches me.
In silent awe I rest, to be restored,
In silent peace, I come,
now, healed by Thee.
O precious truth that silently has come
into my presence, softly, tenderly;
You rest, to dwell inside my very being.
O mystery so deep, so wonderously, I see.
Forever within this realm of grace
I stand aside, to offer all of me;
Forgiven by one whose nail scarred hands reach out,
with merciful love,
your blessing I receive.
~ Anna Lin
from prayer journal Oct. 25/03